to understand any of this you need to know that I live in a mixed family. The child lives with her mum and step-dad, and me.
I just have to write something to get out some of my frustration.
We just had dinner, me, the mum, the dad and the daughter. The daughter is incredibly well behaved for being just 12 years. It's always she who runs to get everything and serves everyone. However today, when she had finished eating, she went to the TV since her favorite program was on. After about two minutes the "dad" started complaining to the mum about her behavior. Result: the mum calls the daughter back to the table. The daughter directed one look, just one look, at the "dad" that said only "I know that it's your fault that I was called back". Then hell broke loose.
The mum told her to "stop" and the daughter said she wasn't doing anything (which she wasn't, apart from staring sullenly at the table). Then the "dad" broke in and started gathering the plates together, speaking about how she never helped and how she didn’t behave properly for her age. I could just see how she was on the brink of tears.
Ok. I guess the reason why this upsets me so much is that I totally understand how the daughter feels. No one likes being reprimanded but when it comes to your parents, you’re used to it. When it comes from somebody else though and especially through the parent...
From my experience a mixed family like this creates a feeling of competition. The daughter and the step-dad compete over who the mum loves the most. In theory it's ridiculous, but in real life it's all very serious. A big problem in this competition is that the adult has authority over the child which makes it all unfair. The “dad” in this family uses that authority to complain on the daughter and thereby “proving” that he’s more lovable. The daughter tries to get everything right but he still finds something to complain on. I do not think that he realizes why he’s doing what he is doing but seems to really believe that it’s the daughter who does something wrong. Gaah, it’s so frustrating not to be able to do anything!
